Some of the easiest things to say are often the hardest things to do.
You've probably heard one of those sayings in some form or fashion, right? We should be distrusting of the overly simplistic, but in this case I think there is a lot of merit to both of those phrases. It truly is much easier to say something than to do something. I'm sure you know the famous saying, "put your money where your mouth is," right? Again, overly simplistic but there's also some merit to it.
There is no word more simple in the English language than, "no." Well maybe the word, "yes," but that's the subject for a different post. Even though it is simple, no is easily one of the toughest words for professionals to say. And, being in the communications business, the natural inclination is for us to say that it is an affliction that only impacts younger professionals. Talk about a load of BS. Nothing could be further from the truth. Experienced, new, young and old it almost doesn't matter. It's a word that everybody struggles with.
Think about it... When was the last time you said no to something out of necessity? Go ahead... I'll give you a minute... Cue Jeopardy theme music... It'll take you a while. I know it took me some time. Whether they be in work activities or extra curricular things you might be doing on the side, chances are good you've not said the word no in awhile. Why do we have such a problem saying no to people? The easy answer is that we don't want to disappoint someone. There's a lot of truth to that, but if you don't know the person how can you really disappoint them? If you were asked to speak by someone you didn't know well and had to decline would you really feel like you disappointed the person? I'm sure a small part of you would, but what's the real reason?
Saying no, at least in my view, has more to do with personal achievement than disappointing someone you may or may not know well. We want to be the best, right? If you are going to come here and tell me no I'm going to call you a liar. It's just simply not true. We're all driven. We all want to be on the top of our game. To be at the top of our game, we think we need to take on all comers. You know that extra project you have absolutely no time for? No problem! You'll stay up until 3:00am to finish it. You know that speaking gig you were offered in a cool city that would mean you'd be on the road for five consecutive weeks? Absolutely! Why not... I don't need to be home to see my friends. Or what about that extra side project that brings you more stress than your real job. Whatever! That's a breeze. I can handle it.
If it sounds like I'm advocating a slacker lifestyle, you're clearly missing the point of the post. There's a big difference between working smarter and working harder. If you are going to be working harder, you need to know what you are working toward. You need to know all of the potential pitfalls and benefits to taking on that additional assignment. Hence, working smarter. Knowing all of the facts before making a decision is important in all walks of life. If someone says they cannot wait for your decision then politely tell them no. First of all, they are terrible shortsighted and would probably be pissed off if someone tried to pull that on them. Secondly, nobody needs an answer instantaneously (in most cases - whether to go through with emergency heart surgery probably would require an instantaneous decision). And, for the record, I'm just as guilty as anyone else. I can never say no to things. Again, I think if I were honest with myself it would have more to do with achievement than disappointment, but... there it is.
So, what can you do instead of saying no, especially if no genuinely isn't in the cards for you? A couple of things...
- Rephrasing the request - This is probably the easiest thing to do that almost nobody ever does well. An example... If someone asks you to help complete a multi-stage project, rephrase the original request and ask if it is possible for you to help complete one of the stages. I can guarantee that the person making the ask will be accepting of any help he/she would get.
- Suggest another team member - Now, don't go throwing a team member under the bus, but check with someone else in your group on whether they have time to assist. Then, go back to the person making the request and suggest the alternative. Again, chances are good that he/she would be willing to take that help.
